Commander Colininabadway
Unfortunately I have to report that the Commander and one other member of my normally faithful, yet slightly sycophantic, crew have gone AWOLS (Absent Without Life Support) this month. Whilst parading around Shepherd's Bush showing anyone who would listen his abnormally large dough rolling accessories, he was abducted by three men in blue uniforms who felt it necessary to rearrange his eating digits to resemble black and white piano keys. The Commander has not been heard of since, despite many reconnaissance missions.

S.C. Angus Headrush
S.C. Headrush was despatched without delay to retrieve the Commander. Armed only with a sawn-off ukelele and a weeks supply of irradiated bagels, Headrush soon picked up the trail and recently reported that he had heard rumours of a flabby pink mammal scouring the Welsh countryside in search of wheat! There is hope that this is the Crew leader and news has just broken that a strange duo have been seen walking slowly down the M1 towards London singing old Mary Hopkins numbers, thumbing it!

Captain Ooneneeky Cheeky
It's hard to keep tabs on Cheeky because she is a rare cross breed of Shiple Throb and South American Horny Toad and thus can change form in different temperatures. Unfortunately this is not possible to control and once, during a ceremonial dinner commemorating the birth of our race in front of the High Admiral of the Fleet, the waiter bought the coffee jug too close to her body and she instantly turned into a South American pig farmer with severe bowel problems and little regard for personal hygiene. The whole affair was very embarrassing, especially when Commander Colininabadway remarked on what a close resemblance she bore to the Admiral's mother!

Science Officer Star Label
Star Label is the lightweight member of the crew - he weighs less than a second hand curry on a bad night. He's taken over from Chief Science Officer Blogg after it was found that Blogg was not only reading an extremely illegal, black market copy of "Asphalt Users Monthly", outlawed for 3000 years on planet Wimpy for its controversial statements regarding the use of black gravel for thicker peat, but also reciting verses and memorandums from previous Asphalt Workers' meetings. Star Label is therefore in and he assures us that he will make a concrete contribution to the rest of the crew.