| Gremlin |
SIR CLIVE has added fisticuffs to his already formidable verbal arsenal of offensive weapons against business rivals. You will have read already of the bust-up before Christmas at a Cambridge pub. Gremlin however is delighted to bring you an account of the proceedings as described by a short, stout, inebriated eye-witness who has been held incommunicado for the past three months pending negotiations with the Gremlin slush fund.
Jack 'Business is War' Tramiel, having just bought Atari, explains the technology behind the company's latest word processing package. |
The microworld's answer to Frank Bruno stormed through the doors of the Baron of Beef, elbowed his way through the crowd and slapped Acorn supremo Chris Curry about the head with an open hand, reports our informant - a closed fist being, of course, illegal in all-in wrestling. Curry, who has already taken an early bath at Clive's dive - Gremlin, January - dragged the enraged tycoon behind a partition where a frank and candid exchange of views took place.
Slugger Sinclair then reappeared, holding Curry in the notorious twisted-ear grip, now outlawed from the ring, and waving the Acorn advertisement which had offended him. He introduced Curry to the assembled drinkers as a 'very silly little boy' or words to that effect. Whereupon both corners retired to an exclusive wine bar, Shades, to continue their negotiations.
Those expecting a rematch at Big Uncle's New Year's thrash, to which Curry was invited, were disappointed. The two are reported to have spent an amicable evening together at the same table. Another guest was the landlord of the Baron of Beef, Bob 'they are both respected customers of mine and I have no further comment' Wass. Perhaps Sir Clive is beginning to learn something about the gentle art of public relations ...
Not everybody talks with his fists, however. One Alan Osborne, currently squatting in Amsterdam, has been writing letters to various magazines complaining that his Commodore 64 game Havoc has been ripped off for the Spectrum and generally abused in the process. Osborne wants everybody to boycott the Spectrum version, which reviewers agree is eminently avoidable.
Dynavision, which publishes both versions, now hopes to receive a letter from Alan declining to accept royalties for the Spectrum version. What, and spoil all the fun? ...
Huge killer busts of Sir Clive roam the countryside seeking out the organisers of the Quickbyte awards. Sinclair won the We Acquire Software Titles Earnestly award for its acquisition of the Imagine mega-con Banderbotch. |
Spoiling all the fun for BBC owners is journalist Mike Cook of Micro User. Answering a reader's problem, he advised that a particular error message meant the machine was about to explode. Hundreds of owners of the swanky Beeb - a machine for social climbers if ever there was one - displayed their collective genius by believing the joke. One housewife dunked hers in a bucket of water, which must have done wonders for the notoriously slow tape-load system ...
The two-part Masquerade spin-off Hare-restorer refuses to give up the ghost. Haresoft's prolific PR agency are now claiming the boring brainteaser is being bought by schools "to involve pupils in developing computer logic skills". "We couldn't make an awful lot of sense of it," says headmaster Peter Holman. "I think most schools bought Hareraiser to try and win the £30,000 for their school. That's certainly why we had a look at it."
Gremlin thanks Peter for his comments, and Jeff Lubbock at Haresoft for arranging the interview. Better luck next time, Jeff ...
Brazen Backslappers of the Month award goes to Imperial Software, responsible for Empires, the intergalactic yawn that needs at least four Spectrums to play at a rate of one move per forty minutes.
Players are said to be "in the grip of a galactic cult", according to director Steve Baker. He also says he "receives phone calls every day from nuts", which speaks for itself, really ...
Also speaking for himself is programmer Don Priestley, who wrote Minder for DK'tronics. To himself as well, to judge from the three pages of drivel emanating from his 'seminar' on the game. We are told that TV spinoffs are encouraging programmers to develop new forms of Artificial Intelligence. Priestley says he's not sure what AI is, but whatever it is, Minder has got it ...
They call it the electric slipper down at Sinclair Research when Slugger isn't listening. The excitingly named C5, the ZX-80 of the motoring world, may yet refute cynics and scoffers, but so far automobile expert Sir Clive has declined to drive his electric trike through the London traffic to demonstrate its roadworthiness.
What Gremlin would like to know is, when is Kempston bringing out a joystick interface to replace those dreadful handlebars? And, given a name like C5, what was so awful about the first four models? A million unsold copies of Driller Tanks to any reader who can answer these burning questions about the finest washing machine ever to hit the streets ...