| Gremlin |
Bill 'incorruptible' Scolding accepts money from Arthur Daley in return for putting him on the front cover. Note the grubby corduroys. |
THE MAN himself was there at the launch of Minder, the DK'tronics/Thames TV spinoff. Arthur Daley spent much of the time smoking cigars and munching biscuits, however. Programmer Don Priestley did most of the talking.
That clearly worried the DK'tronics heavies, who lacked confidence in the garrulous pensioner. The minders stood at the back making signs to Priestley, in an attempt to guide his replies.
In any case the black box fatties needn't have worried. Most of the questions were bawled out by an imposing female from the Daily Mirror. "Everyone knows you have to get a game into the arcades to make any money," she insisted, asking if Minder was "the new Pac Man." "Is it a battle game or what?" ranted this refugee from a Surrey gymkhana. Nice to know the Daily Maxwell still has a finger on the pulse of Britain ...
Meanwhile, DK'tronics is suffering from the attentions of an ex-employee with a grudge. The character has been sending out press releases on photocopied DK'tronics notepaper delving into owner David Heelas' private life.
Without going into the gory and irrelevant details, it appears David made a court appearance recently at which he announced he was selling the company and moving to Great Yarmouth. Not so, according to DK. Which leaves Gremlin pondering two questions. Who is penning the poisonous press releases, and why did Heelas tell a court he was selling up if he wasn't?
Software Projects superstar Matthew Smith is 'resting', according to his boss Alan Maton. The flabby maestro of animated toilets is distressed by the attention of the media and only vants to be alone ...
Meanwhile, Maton is scouring Liverpool for someone to throttle. He's convinced a fellow Merseysider is behind rumours that Software Projects is going bust. "I'll punch him in the head, I'll *@#!~£ kick his teeth in, I'll ..." Words fail Alan as visions of blood-soaked slaughter fill his brain ...
Incensed by a derogatory news item about Gyron in a rival comic, creators Firebird promptly threatened to withdraw 10 grand's worth of advertising if the subsequent review spat similar vitriol.
The rag in question, a slim publication catering mainly for the headbanger market, now features no review at all ...
Brazen Backslappers of the Month Award goes to Elite for emphasising the extreme youth of the company. There are several extreme youths at Elite, and sales director Steve Wilcox reckons it means Elite is "meeting the needs of a young market - average age 10 to 15."
A long list of games is included, such as Grand National and Dukes of Hazzard. The one the Wilcox clan omits is 911TS, an incredibly dull plug for Dunlop Tyres. Word from the kindergarten suggests the little lads are unhappy about the game. "Definitely the last of a breed," says one pre-pubescent mole ...
MP Bob Dunne does chair company Balans a good turn by obscuring their new product with his immense bulk. The awful truth about the Blans vital computer chair is revealed in the inset. |
CND is worried about games like Raid Over Moscow where zapping aliens is discarded for the joys of nuking the reds.
Gremlin cherishes the comments of US Gold's Geoff Brown, who brought the venomous game to our shores. "A well-adjusted child is able to differentiate fantasy from reality," he says. Quite. It's not the kids who worry us, it's what happens when they grow up and turn into Ronald Reagan ...
Nick Alexander of Virgin is also getting into politics. 32-year-old Nick has been co-opted to advise David Owen of the SDP about the interests of youth. Nick is a proud founder member of the SDP and reckons his experience flogging records and Sheepwalk to kids will stand Dr Owen in good stead. The facts speak for themselves, really ...
And finally Mike Howard of Buffer Micro (RIP) writes elsewhere to protest about Gremlin's hairy armpits story last month. Since the sexist comments were taken from an article written under his name in a trade paper, it seems odd.
According to Howard, the Computer Trade Weekly gang made it all up, and then read bits of it to him over the phone. "If Howard wanted any of it changed he could have said so," wails cub reporter Simon Harvey at CTW. "I did," says Howard. "They wanted to make a crack about Greenham Common, and I said no. So they put in hairy armpits instead, which was even worse."
CTW says that it has a duty to report the industry 'warts and all'. And if you can't find any warts, invent them, supposes Gremlin ...